Lessons Of A Pyromaniac
by blairwitch
Summary: This is about what happens when Pyro gets bored in lessons We all know that cant be good... Major Bobby bashing! complete
1. Chapter 1Chemistry

**_Lessons Of A Pyromaniac_**

_**Chapter 1-Chemistry**_

Pyro sat in his chemistry bored out of his skull. Hank McCoy (a.k.a. Beast duh!) was at the front of the class droning on about catalysts. As Beast mentioned they were going to do a practical, Pyro's head shot up. When he heard it was going to involve a Bunsen burner, he became even more interested.

Beast set out manganese oxide and hydrogen peroxide at the front of the class and wrote up the method on the board. He lit a Bunsen burner at the front at let the class get on with it.

Pyro got out the necessary equipment. The practical required a Bunsen burner so…he chuckled evilly. He was so bored of being the good little boy and decided to have some fun.

He rigged up his Bunsen burner to the gas taps and took some of Bobby and Rogue's flame. That earned him a glare from the both of them. At that moment their Bunsen burner went crazy. Its flame shot up and made Bobby's sport top catch fire.

Pyro smirked and looked away trying not to laugh as Bobby didn't notice. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Rogue had and had begun to panic. She tried hitting the flame to put it out but Pyro made it keep burning. Bobby swore violently and ran over to the sink. He quickly doused hos arm in water.

Hank went over to Bobbu and inspected his arm. By this point, Pyro was dieing to laugh.

Pyro turned his attention back to the practical but he could feel the class' eyes were on him. He looked up at everyone staring at him.

"What?" he said." What are you looking at me for?"

"John is this you're doing?" Beast asked seriously.

"Hey, I'm innocent!"

"Pyro, if you're innocent, then ah'm the Queen of Sheba!" Rogue snarled.

Pyro shot her a glare and then said, "Hi, your Majesty." Pyro bowed and smirked at Rogue. Hank was trying to calm Bobby down so Pyro thought that it provided an excellent opportunity for even more fun.

Pyro placed the manganese oxide in with the hydrogen peroxide and quickly plugged the top. A grin was plastered to his face as he looked round to make sure no one was looking, and then he put the test tube into the flame. Beast had deliberately told everyone not to do this so it made him want to do it even more. He used his power to make sure the flames completely engulfed the tube. After that, he quickly dived under the desk.

The explosion was massive. Shards of glass went everywhere and people ducked to get out of the way. The bung that plugged the tube flew out from the flames and hit Bobby in between the eyes, making him fall to the floor.

Pyro was shaking from trying not to laugh as he saw what happened to Bobby. He emerged from under the table to see all the class shaking.

"That was funny," he mumbled.

Hank McCoy got up from the floor and his eyes went straight to Pyro.

"John what did you do?"

"What?" Pyro said innocently.

Hey people! This is my first x-men ficcy so please be kind. R&R and tell me what you think. If you like it tell me and there will be other chappies for other lessons! 


	2. Chapter 2Biology

Blairwitch: I want to give a big thank-you to all my reviewers!

Toxic-Beetle: I'm so glad you think I'm nuts! I want to thank-you for the help with this plot on this chapter!

crazy4horses: A big thank-you and I agree with Pyro being EVIL!

loganlover1116: I'm really glad you like it!

Blairwitch: Now I think that's everyone…

Pyro: Can you just get on with the story!

Blairwitch: reaches for frying pan You want to get knocked out again?

Pyro: You wouldn't dare!

Blairwitch: That's it! hits Pyro over head

Pyro: o.0

Blairwitch: Now on with the sotry at last!

_**Chapter 2-Biology**_

Pyro sat at the back of the class, his head resting on the table in boredom. Jean Grey was at the board writing down the benefits of mutualism and everyone, apart from him, was making notes. He was supposed to be listening but it was boring him so much that he was starting to fall asleep.

Suddenly Jean turned around and pulled up a box with her powers. It was a box of dead frogs.

"I promised you a dissection so here it is. There are enough frogs for one each. I want you to look for the heart and make a diagram."

Pyro got his frog and took it back to his table holding it at arms length by the leg. He placed it on the desk and got a scalpel. For some reason, he was a little squeamish about it. He looked over at Bobby and saw that he was doing it with no problems.

Pyro stared at his frog in disgust but his face lit up as an idea came to mind. He quickly cut open his frog's stomach but he grimaced at what was inside. He pulled out his lighter and set he frog alight. Then he threw it at Bobby.

Bobby was splattered in frog's guts and blood and the fire set his hair alight. He jumped up and screamed as frog's guts ran down the side of his face. He squealed like a girl and tried to flick them off while trying to put out his hair. He ran around the room in a panic. Eventually Pyro filled a sink with water and smirked at Bobby as he pointed to the sink. Bobby ran to the sink and dunked his head in the water.

The whole class were in fits of laughter as Bobby emerged from under the water. The fire had melted his hair so the frog was stuck to his head. He had bald patches where the hair had completely gone. He narrowed his eyes and glared at Pyro.

"You did this!"

Bobby lunged at Pyro but he stepped out of the making Bobby fall flat on his face on the floor. Jean pulled Bobby to his feet and signaled to Renewal.(A/N: shes an OC YAY!) She touched Bobby's head and all his hair went back to normal so the frog dropped to the floor.

Pyro grinned at Bobby and innocently flicked his lighter. Bobby started to back away from him and Rogue came over and hit Pyro around the head.

"Rogue that's enough," Jean said. She turned to Pyro, "Outside now John! Apologize to Bobby as well!"

"No way I haven't done anything wrong!"

"You have. I've read your mind."

"Oh crap!" he groaned.

Blairwitch: There's another chapter for you

Pyro: Oh man… what hit me?

Blairwitch: Sorry people got to go before he wakes up properly. The next chapter is for physics by the way. See ya.


	3. Chapter 3Physics

Blairwitch: Hey people it's time for another chapter!

Pyro: I don't see what's so great about that!

Blairwitch: Well you wouldn't seeing as you're an idiot!

Pyro: I didn't get asked to get stuck with you! I was the only one left and then you came along! I would have rather stayed!

Blairwitch: Well there's gratitude for you. I'm never taking you on a rollercoaster again!

Pyro: You wouldn't narrows eyes

Blairwitch: Oh I would evil laugh

Pyro: turns white Fine! Fine! I'll behave!

Blairwitch: You better! Now on with the story! YAY!

_**Chapter 3-Physics**_

Professor Xavier was at the front of the class reading pairs of a list. The class was to do two practicals as an assessment.

"Bobby and John, you will be working together."

"Sir why do I have to work with that looser?" Bobby asked.

Pyro narrowed his eyes and glared at Bobby. He hadn't planned to do anything to him this lesson but because of the remark, he silently declared war on Bobby. A plan formed in his mind as he saw what the professor produced for the practical.

Bobby got the stuff and reluctantly sat next to Pyro. He kept glancing at him as if he expected him to do something. Pyro just ignored Bobby and plastered a wait-and-see smile on his face.

The first practical they had to do was to build a simple circuit and make it more complex as they went along. Pyro attached the wires to the battery and Bobby attached the wires to the bulb. When Pyro was sure Bobby wasn't looking, he upped the voltage to maximum and switched the plug off.

Bobby switched on the battery but nothing happened. He looked closely at the bulb and Pyro saw this as his golden opportunity. He switched on the plug. Suddenly there was an explosion as the bulb shattered. Black smoke curled up from the broken bulb.

Bobby emerged from the smoke with a blackened face. While he was still coughing, Pyro quickly moved away from the plug.

"What the hell did you do Pyro?"

"How could I do anything! I've been stood here the whole time!"

Pyro pretended to storm off to get the water needed for the next experiment while the class giggled at Bobby. He came back with the water and a few crocodile clips. He gave the stuff to Bobby and let him set up the experiment.

Pyro quickly got out his lighter as Bobby put the crocodile clips, which had been attached to the wires, into the water. (A/N: can anyone see where this is going?) When Bobby took his hands out of the water, Pyro flicked some fire onto his hands. Bobby yelped and stuck his hands in the water instinctively. Bobby looked up to see Pyro standing by the battery grinning. He went to pull his hands out of the water but Pyro was quicker than him and turned the battery on.

Electricity shot through Bobby making his hair stand on end. He shook as the electricity shot through him. Pyro took pity on him and turned the battery off. As soon as he had, Bobby said,

"Oh crap!"

Bobby then fell backwards unconscious. Professor Xavier wheeled over and asked,

"What happened?"

"He put the battery on before he put the clips in the water professor," Pyro said trying not to laugh.

"Could you please take him to the medical lab?"

"Yes Professor."

Blairwitch: Well that's another chapter for you people.

Pyro: That chapter sucks! There was hardly any fire in it!

Blairwitch: Are you saying that I'm a rubbish writer? gives Pyro a death glare

Pyro: Yes I am!

Blairwitch: That does it! I'm upgrading my weapon! picks up wet smelly tuna fish

Pyro: Oh no not that! Runs off

Blairwitch: Sorry people got to go and hit Pyro. The next chapter is where he's in math! runs after Pyro


	4. Chapter 4Math

Blairwitch: PYRO SIT!

Pyro: I AM NOT SOME DOG!

Blairwitch: SIT STAY OR I USE THE MUZZLE!

Pyro: You wouldn't pales and backs away

Blairwitch: Oh I would glares

Pyro: FINE! slams door

Blairwitch: Sorry about that. Pyro's in one of his moods. On with the story.

**_Chapter 4-Math_**

Pyro sat at the back of the class glaring at Bobby. He'd decided to sit at the class in case Pyro tried anything. Pyro was going to stop harassing him but Bobby had called him a loser in physics, and Pyro wasn't going to let it go unpunished.

Storm was at the board trying to teach the class standard deviation (A/N: I really hate that topic!) when there was a knock at the door. Cyclops came in to speak to her in private.

Pyro thought that this was too good an opportunity to miss. He looked around on his desk for anything that he would be able to use to get his revenge on the ice idiot. All he had was a pen, pencil, ruler and rubber. He was bout to give up but the ruler and the rubber gave him an idea.

Pyro looked over at the door to check that Storm was still gone and wasn't going to come in and ruin his plans. When he was satisfied he got out his lighter. (A/N: I think we all know what he's going to do!) He used his power to set the rubber alight and then he placed it on the ruler. He flicked the rubber at Bobby and it landed in his lap.

Pyro quickly put on his innocent face as Bobby stood up screaming. He was jumping around trying to put out the fire. He dropped to the floor and started to roll around, completely forgetting about his powers. Rogue ran up to Bobby and tried to put the fire out.

Storm rushed in when she heard the scream. She saw the Bobby jump up and Pyro trying not to laugh his head off. She quickly created a cloud over Bobby and made it rain. It put the fire out but Bobby glared at storm because he was now soaked.

"Thanks," he said darkly.

"John what did you do!" Storm yelled.

"I d-didn't d-d-do a-anything!" Pyro laughed.

"John I won't ask again!" warned Storm.

Pyro looked around the class as they mumbled to each other. Pyro groaned inwardly as he knew what was coming next.

"Class, who did this?"

Everyone turned around and pointed at Pyro.

"John! Out! Now!"

"Fine," he grumbled.

Pyro: What I got caught? But I NEVER get caught

Blairwitch: snickers you do now

Pyro: You're just a crappy author what would you know even a baby can write better stories than you!

Blairwitch: THAT DOES IT! MUZZLE TIME!

Pyro: runs away

Blairwitch: runs after him holding muzzle


	5. Chapter 5English

_**Chapter 5- English**_

Hank McCoy stood at the front of the class reading an extract from Macbeth. He was reading the part where Duncan was murdered. After he finished reading, he wrote a question on the board and handed out paper.

Pyro had listened to the extract as it had contained gruesome details, but he decided that there was no way that he was going to do an essay on it. Instead, he looked around and tried to find Bobby. He saw that he was two rows in front of him. Hank gave Pyro some paper and he was about to push it away but a smile crept across his face.

He watched Beast go back to his desk, open Macbeth again and began to read. Pyro scrumpled up his paper and pulled out his lighter.

"Goodness gracious great balls of fire!" he murmered.

He set fire to the paper and threw it at Bobby.

The paper landed perfectly in Bobby's lap. He jumped up screaming, trying to flick it off. Pyro chuckled quietly as he used his power to put it out. He planned on making Bobby look like a complete idiot.

Beast looked up from the book, surprised that Bobby had yelled.

"Bobby, what's wrong?"

"Pyro threw a flaming paper ball at me professor!"

Beast looked at the ground and saw the paper ball but it wasn't on fire.

"Bobby stop trying to get John in trouble."

"But-"

"That's enough!"

Pyro snickered as Beast got called out of the room by Professor Xavier. Pyro took this opportunity to take out a few mini bombs that he had made. They exploded when the fire hit the powder. He lit the wicks and threw them underneath Bobby's chair. Pyro stared at the bombs and waited for the explosion.

Beast came back just as the explosion happened. The explosion was so powerful that Bobby was thrown into the air. He screamed like a girl as his body left the chair. He landed on his butt and the chair landed on his head giving him a massive bruise. The bombs had left an eggy smell in the classroom.

"God Bobby! What did you eat today?" Pyro said pinching his nose.

"I'm going to get you for this!"

"Bobby calm down," Beast said. "Class who did this?"

All of the class pointed to Pyro.

"Hey I'm innocent!"


	6. Chapter 6French

_**Chapter 6French**_

Pyro sat in class trying not to laugh. The look on Bobby's face was enough to put anyone in hysterics. The French teacher, Remy LeBeau, was flirting with Rogue. Bobby looked like he wanted to kill Remy on the spot. Pyro couldn't pass up the opportunity because Remy hated Bobby as much as he did so maybe they could team up.

Pyro was sat close to Remy so he could hear what he was saying to Rogue.

"Mon chere, how come you go out with da ice idiot?" Rogue giggled like she was a young girl talking to her crush.

Pyro got out his lighter and lit it. He threw fire at Bobby so that it landed underneath his chair. Remy saw what Pyro did but instead of stopping it, he gestured for Pyro to make it bigger. Pyro made the fire touch the bottom of the seat an after a while Bobby jumped up yelling that something had burnt his butt.

"Sit down Bobby!" Remy said. "I'm surprised ya can feel anything cause you got no sense, no?"

Pyro decided to take things a little further so he moved the fire from under Bobby's chair and set his butt alight. Bobby yelled and started running around hitting his butt to try and put the fire out. The class slowly moved away from him as they didn't want to catch fire.

"Professor HELP!" Bobby yelled.

"Ice idiot, there's nothing wrong with y! Now sit down!"

As Bobby didn't sit down, Remy pulled out a playing card and charged it. He threw it towards Bobby and it landed at his feet. The explosion caused Bobby to fall backwards. Unfortunately, it put out the fire.

"Ahhhh, relief," he sighed.

"Bobby get your butt back to your seat NOW!" Remy yelled. "Hey Rogue, fancy coming to da cinema with me tonight?"


	7. Chapter 7Art

**Chapter 7 - Art**

Pyro was laughing to himself as he walked into the art storeroom. He pulled out a packet of water bombs from his pocket and grabbed the paint bottles. He squirted the paint into the water balloons to create missiles. Next he grabbed an elastic band and attached it to a stick. Now he had an instant catapult.

"Pyro, are you done in there?" Storm called

"Yes Professor." Pyro answered

He quickly put the balloons and catapult in his pocket and left the storeroom.

Pyro walked around the tables filling up the paint pots. When he had finished, he sat back and began his wait for the perfect moment.

When Storm went into the store cupboard Pyro took out a paint balloon and the catapult (A/N: I think we all know who's he going to fire at! ) He put the balloon in the catapult and fi9red it up using his lighter. He took aim at Bobby and then let go of the balloon.

It landed right on the back of his head. Bright blue fiery paint splashed all over the back of Bobby's head and trickled down his neck.

"You!"

Pyro quickly put the catapult in his pocket as Bobby looked around, glaring at everyone suspiciously. Pyro had to bite down on his fist to stop himself laughing out loud.

Storm turned around and looked at Bobby. She walked over to him and folded her arms.

"Bobby, what is going on?"

"Someone threw paint which was on fire at me Professor."

"Quit your whining Bobby," Storm sighed. She went to her desk and sat down.

"Hey Bobby!" Pyro whispered

Pyro quickly got out the catapult and another paint bomb and aimed them at Bobby. He set it on fire just as Bobby turned around. He let the paint bomb fly and it hit Bobby square in the face

Bobby jumped up and quickly tried to use ice on his face but Pyro interfered. He knocked Bobby so that the ice went up to the lamps hanging from the ceiling. This made the chandelier fall on top of Bobby's head and knock him unconscious

"Bombs away!" Pyro chuckled


	8. Chapter 8Autoshop

**_Chapter 8-Autoshop_**

Pyro was so pleased with himself because he had gotten away with it in art. He had something even better planned for Bobby in this lesson. He had spent all night perfecting his plan so that he couldn't be blamed.

Scott Summers came into the garage and walked straight to Pyro.

"Give me your lighter."

"What!" Pyro exclaimed.

"I'm not letting you pull anything this lesson. In case you haven't noticed there's petrol in the room."

Pyro rolled his eyes and pulled his lighter out of his pocket and gave it to Scott then stormed to the back of the class. When Scott wasn't looking he reached into his shoe and pulled out his spare lighter.

While Scott was distracted, Pyro went over to the stuff that was to be thrown out. He found a bucket with a small hole and replaced the good bucket by the petrol with it. While he was there he saw t perfect items to cause havoc in woodtech. (A/N: more on that later I promise you wont be disappointed grins maniacally)

Pyro quietly went back to the rest of the class and heard Scott ask Bobby to get some petrol. Bobby glanced at Pyro suspiciously to make sure he wasn't planning to do anything to him but to Bobby, it looked like he hadn't moved. He poured some petrol into the bucket and began to walk back to Scott.

When Bobby stopped looking at him, Pyro got out his spare lighter and lit the trail of petrol. Pyro grinned evilly as the fire caught up with Bobby. The petrol had soaked his trouser leg without him knowing and it led all the way up to the bucket. It slowly climbed up his trousers. Bobby only noticed when it was close to the bucket.

"Boom! Boom!" Pyro laughed.

"Oh crap!" Bobby yelled.

The fire reached the petrol and it caused a huge explosion that sent Bobby skywards. He left a trail of smoke behind him like he had farted. (A/N: I bet it smelt like it too!)

Pyro was trying not to laugh as Scott ran around trying to put out the fire. They had no proof that he had done anything so he couldn't be blamed. What was even better was the look on Bobby's face as he _blasted_ off.

Scott said for everyone to get back to their rooms as he organized a search party for Bobby. Pyro left, entered his room and collapsed on the bed laughing.


	9. Chapter 9Woodtech

_**Chapter 9-Woodtech**_

Pyro sat at the desk trying to concentrate on the paper in front of him, but it was impossible. The more he tried, the more his brain emptied.

He was in woodtech and Logan had set a test for them. They had to design something, anything they wanted, and they had to make it out of wood without using their powers.

Pyro was finding it really difficult as he was rubbish at woodtech. Pyro decided there and then to liven things up a little. He drew a simple clock on the paper and then showed it to Logan. Logan raised an eyebrow at it but said nothing; he simply nodded for Pyro to get on with it then went back to reading his paper and drinking beer.

Grinning, Pyro went to the back and picked out the stuff he had taken from autoshop class. When everyone had left autoshop, he had filled the bottle with petrol and put a rope in the end. It was an instant petrol bomb.

Pyro walked over to the pile of wood at the back of the class. He hid the bomb under the pile of wood and picked up a random piece to use for his clock.

"Professor," he mumbled, "get ready for some fireworks."

He was about to light the rope when Bobby walked in. He said something to Logan and then Logan went to leave the room. Before he left, he winked at Pyro as if he knew what he was going to do. He moved his hand to point at Bobby and Pyro just smirked.

Pyro got the petrol bomb from the pile of wood and looked over at Bobby. He was wearing those big baggy jeans so it would be easy enough to put the bomb in the back pocket. He was talking to Rogue at the moment, so it would be easy for him to do.

He crept up behind Bobby and slipped the bomb in his back pocket. Next, he slipped back to his desk and pulled out his lighter. He sniggered as he threw some flames at the rope. He watched in delight as it slowly burnt away as he walked over to the other side of the class to get a good view.

Suddenly Bobby was thrown forward as the bomb exploded. A long thin jet of fire came from the bomb. It threw Bobby onto the pile of wood making the wood fly into the air. One piece hit Bobby on the head, knocking him out cold.

"Hey Bobby!" Pyro yelled, "Next time step outside before you let one rip will you!"

Logan came back in and just looked at Bobby. He shrugged and went back to his paper and beer. After class, Logan said to Pyro,

"Nice one, but next time, try to do more than just knock him out cold."

Hiya everyone! Please make me really happy and r&r this chapter. Now I need you all to take part in a little vote for me.

Do you think Bobby should be killed?

If yes, who do you think should do it?

If yes how would you like it done?

Only 2 more chapters to go!


	10. Chapter 10Cookery

**Chapter 10- Cookery**

Pyro was summoned to the entrance hall by Professor Xavier. When he arrived he saw a girl with the Professor. She had bright blue hair with purple streaks running through it and she had dark brown eyes.

"John, this is Kamilia, you're to show her around the school."

"Yes Professor," Pyro smiled at her.

He watched the Professor leave and then smiled again at Kamilia.

"So what's your first lesson?"

"Cookery," she replied.

Pyro grinned from one ear to another; he knew that Bobby had cookery right about now.

"Are you up for a little fun?"

"What do you have in mind?" she asked.

"What are your powers?"

"Camouflage."

Pyro grinned as he led her to the cookery rooms and explained what he wanted to do. By the time he had finished, Kamilia was roaring in laughter.

Jean signaled to them and they both went to the cooker where the ingredients were spread out. They both glanced at each other and began to put the plan into action.

Pyro looked over at Bobby and Rogue and chuckled darkly. He used his power to increase the flame on the ring burner. The fire flared and Bobby just managed to stop his face burning by jumping backward but the food exploded (A/N: can it do that?). Bobby turned around and glared at Pyro with food dripping down his face.

"Bobby what happened?"

"I don't know Professor and I'm not sure I want to find out either."

Jean walked away after giving Bobby a cloth and Pyro then nodded to Kamilia. She grinned at her partner in crime then disappeared like a chameleon. (A/N: could you imagine how much fun you could have with that power! day dreams)

Pyro turned around and waited for the chaos to begin. He did not want to get caught on this one; it was too big and would humiliate Bobby big time.

A scream came from behind him and he quickly turned around. Kamilia had pulled Bobby's underwear upwards giving him a huge massive wedgie. He was jumping up and down yelling in pain as Kamilia tugged harder. When she let go, he was frantically trying to remove his underwear from his beat while yelling and running around like a headless chicken.

Jean turned around just as Kamilia appeared next to Pyro.

"What's going on?"

"Professor help!"


	11. Chapter 11Danger Room

Chapter 11- Danger Room

Pyro was breathing quite fast as he had just finished throwing fire at the targets. All the other trainees were pressed against the wall staring at him with wide eyes.

Vincent (A/N: thanks for letting me lend him toxic-beetle! throws Jack Sparrow plushies at her) was running around yelling that his hair was on fire. Storm came in and created a rain cloud above his head. It put the fire out but Vincent was drenched.

"Thanks," he said dryly.

Pyro noticed that Bobby and Vince (A/N: I'm too tired to type the full name out --) were whispering in a corner. Suddenly Vince disappeared and the next thing Pyro knew, someone had grabbed his boxer shorts and yanked them upwards. An icy blast froze them so it was like a permanent wedgie.

Pyro was majorly sucked off. They had to die for that; there was no way he was letting them get away with that. He grinned as a thought came to his head.

Pyro ran around to everyone telling them a few lies. First he ran to Rogue and whispered that Bobby was seeing Jubilee behind her back. He said the same thing to Gambit. Pyro told Logan that it was Bobby and Vince who had stolen his cigars. Next he told Storm that it had been the two boys who had killed her plants and finally he told Kitty that they had thrown all her clothes in the pool.

Rogue went up to Bobby and took her glove off. She slapped his face then kicked his shin murmuring,

"Stupid ice idiot."

Remy grinned and charged a card. He slipped it into Bobby's back pocket and walked off. The explosion sent him flying forward leaving a trail of smoke..

Logan chopped up a few of his cigars and grabbed Vince. He forced open his mouth and made him eat them, and then he did the same to Bobby.

Storm walked past the two of them innocently when suddenly a bolt of lightning appeared from nowhere and struck them. Their hair stood on end and their faces were blackened.

Logan walked passed looking as innocent as he could by whistling. He continued to whistle as he buried his claws in them.

"Wasn't me!" Logan yelled.

"My work here is done," Pyro walked off.

Kitty phased their bodies beneath the danger roo.

"Anyone want a party?" she asked sweetly.


End file.
